Who I am is the price I paid to get what I used to want
“What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want,” read the actual words, the shape of the letters communicating that I must have been about nineteen when I painstakingly penciled it into a journal. Pulling this quote out of deep memory storage recently, I paraphrased it, realizing how my relationship to this sentiment has changed.
My younger self affected a cynical jadedness, finding it convenient to blame even earlier selves for her current predicaments. She labeled and classified, trying to make sense of what she was, not who she could be. She would be the quiet one at a party you’d find yourself next to who’d exhale and ask “So, what’s your story?” Like it was already written.
What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.
WHAT DO THESE WORDS BY MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN BRING UP FOR YOU?
I’d lived through enough change that this jadedness felt natural. But of course, we never know how life will test us. It’s so easy to fall into the same patterns that have served us in the past, to forget that our responses to those tests can evolve.
I’m learning to become aware of the constant threads of who I am, while still making room to grow and change.
Change is essentially creative, even when it’s destructive. The Enrichment Project coalesced around paradoxes like this one. And I must confess that it’s in discussion with others that I become passionate about understanding my own paradoxical insights.
Who is someone you imagine has a deep love affair with their creative muse?
WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER ABOUT THE FIRST TIME YOU ENCOUNTERED THEM? WHAT WOULD YOU ASK IF YOU FOUND YOURSELVES QUARANTINED TOGETHER?
Getting to the deep cuts of creativity with others better equips me for my own evolution. And more than anything else, I desire a safe space to continue these conversations. To grow.
If this year has asked you to question your assumptions, if it’s ripped at your foundation, upended your patterns…you’re not alone. If you’re tackling the difficult things or if you’re numbing to avoid that which cannot be faced, you’re also not alone.
If who you are is the price you’ve paid to get what you used to want, what do you want now?
HOW DO YOU NAME IT? HOW WILL IT CHANGE YOU?
If this question intrigues you, I’ve created a forum on a private network to safely continue the discussion. It’s free and ad-free, with options to go deeper if you want more support. Join the circle and take an active and curious role in who you can become.
Get some perspective. Nourish your soul along the journey.